P is for Pain killer
I live with pain every day. Pain you don’t just pop a pill to numb. Where codemine, Tylenol extra and advil don’t do the job. When I watched house, I wished I could pop his pills, see if they’d work on me. I didn’t mind getting addicted like him as long as the job was done.
I hate taking pills for the pain, it doubles up my consciousness of the pain and ends up frustrating me cos it doesn't do the job.(it deserves a finger pointing from Donald Trump 'you're fired) Why go through the extra pain of giving myself false hope by popping pills?
They say support groups does it,psychologically and otherwise, it helps going through your pain when you share with others that know what you're going through. But that’s just so wrong, while sometimes its comforting to know I’m not alone, and even more comforting to know I don’t have it as bad as some of the people in these forums, but its depressing there, because I’m seeing people who are so pumped up on meds, whose life’s are on hold and held hostage by this pain they never asked for, I see frustrated people and that’s just sad, they're there trading infos on doctors and tests and pain like its recipes or something. And I’m there thinking eeekkks, get me out of here. No thank you. And oh the pain of physiotherapy...yikes!!!
And so everyday, I create my own special double dose of pain killing monsters. I rip of my vest to show the S on my chest,Alicia style, I’m a superwoman. And so I wear my heels and walk around like the happiest girl, if the pain tops up a notch from the heels i just change the walk, usually looks like i'm catwalking (sorry if you ever thought i walked past that way to grab your attention) If it tries to stop me from driving, then i just drive,i smile in my pain and ignore the little bugger as much as I can, I'm frustrating the life out of the pain, giving it a taste of its own medicine, by just living life when it gives me reasons to sulk and stay away from the goodness of life i've been blessed with.
I combine the 'living life' dose with my hope. You see on those sites they tell you how hard it is to live with it all your life, but I have faith. Knowing that one day I’ll wake up without that irritant is like the biggest high ever. Its like laughing in the face of the devil. Knowing that one way or the other I’ll be the exception, the one who’ll be the rare case, the one who’ll go on that forum and tell them about the extra special Dr i found called Jehovah RAPHA and how he heals. One day I’ll wake up and my whole body will feel right like my right side, and the left will no longer be in pain and left out of the fun.
I have an overdose on my own painkillers and life is good to go each day. One day at a time right?